Am I being paranoid?

Posted by hidayah

February 04,
2009

Yesterday night at CE 502 class..

I got back my 1st assignment this semester..
Looked at the grade..
It's above 80, less then 90...
Syukur, Alhamdulillah..
But then the professor said...
Everybody did a good job on the 1st assignment, there's A's and B's...
I peeked my Egyptian friend's paper -- she got a 100 -- perfect score..
Took a look at a guy sitting in front me -- he got 95
Didn't manage to look at other people's grade...
There's only 7 of us in the class..
Suddenly I ferl terrible, low and disgusted with myself...
I guess I did bad compared to the others (well, I just saw the grades for two of 'em)
All of the sudden I got this mental picture about me being the worst in the class..
And then so many questions came up in my mind..
Will I be able to keep up with these people?
And sometimes I do feel I know nothing at all... zero...(kinda stupid once in a while) especially when they start throwing ideas and opinion in class
And start thinking -- geez.. how smart are these people, and how "brainless" I am..
Am I pushing/judging myself too hard? Or am I being paranoid?

*Sigh* -- I know it's not good to "sigh", but seriously, I am not feeling good about all this...

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 04, 2009 and is filed under Emotions . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .

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8 comments

l i e y n

February 4, 2009 at 9:14 AM

i alwayssssss feel that way too...
but dun worry dear, u will adapt...
maybe tak dapat follow the rhythm yet...

nurbayamira

February 4, 2009 at 10:21 AM

babe, mula2 mmmg mcmtu....mcm nk start engine keta...

Kamarul n Hartini

February 4, 2009 at 11:41 AM

Jgn susah hati, lama2 nanti ko dpat ar jd mcm diaorg. Aku rasa ko dah cukup hebat untuk buat phd ngan diaorg. jgn risau ek.

noniey

February 4, 2009 at 12:33 PM

a'ah dayah.. jangan risau.. lama2 ko bleh lah adapt ngan sume tu.. n ko jangan lah rendah diri sgt. ko tunjuk skit ko lagi bagus dari dorang..

Neeza Shahril

February 4, 2009 at 2:26 PM

If you're standing among your friends, memang you may not look as good as a few of them.. tapi cuba stand among me and a few other me.. mesti you look extraordinarily outstanding..

dah okay tu.. don't push too hard.. anyway, bila dapat PhD nanti, takde nya orang tanya.. "dulu markah awak 88% or 95%?" hehehe..

zahryanie

February 9, 2009 at 9:40 PM

betul kata k.neeza tu..:)
yg penting ilmu yang kita dapat tu kita leh manfaatkan untuk kebaikan sume...ceeewahhh!!! hehehe

Anonymous

February 13, 2009 at 6:49 AM

setuju banget dgn komen2 di atas..
betul dayah..
belaja phd ni bkn mcm blaja mase undergrad..bile dh grad org nk tau pointer, class ape (2nd upper ke, 2nd lower ke)..nk interview keje pun cam tu gak..tp phd ni bile dh complete mmg org takkan tye pointer pun..(merepekla kalo ade yg tye tuh..)sebaliknye org akn terus panggil dr.hidayah!!!!;)(w/pun jaja tk amik phd, but i learnt this from myhubby)
so be cool dayah n always think positive ok!!

hidayah

February 14, 2009 at 11:17 AM

thanks le kawan2... hehehe... aku dah setkan mind dah pasal2 markah ni... malas nak fikirkan sgt.. wat sakit kepala je..~ngeeee

Am I being paranoid?

written by hidayah

February 04,
2009

This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 04, 2009 and is filed under Emotions . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .